


Tell my Mother I Flarped Star Trek

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Roleplay, Star Trek - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-28
Updated: 2011-10-28
Packaged: 2017-10-25 00:49:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/269837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Dave Strider had sex with two girls, he was bound, bitchy, and burning the hell up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell my Mother I Flarped Star Trek

**Author's Note:**

> [Barstuck AU](http://www.barstuck.tumblr.com)\- aka Dave and Terezi have casual sex with just about anyone but especially Vriska
> 
> spoilers there's no actual porn oh well

 

                "God Tz you need to stop this shit right now."

                "Dave you are _supposed to be in the passionate throes of Pon Farr_ not a snarky cool kid!"

                At some points you need to stop and reevaluate the direction your life is taking because you are wearing a shirt branded with the Starfleet logo on your knees in the middle of your living room with your pants off and _not aroused in the slightest because this is goddamn ridiculous_. Before today, you weren't even aware Terezi even knew about Star Trek- you think a certain bartender has been hanging out with John way too much, and this bartender is spreading his nerdiness like _herpes_. Whatever the case, Terezi must have been thinking about this for a while- the living room is lit only by candles and all  the furniture is pushed up against the wall and she is dressed in an _honest-to-God Captain Kirk costume_ , messy black hair clearly visible from underneath the blond wigresting on her head, and a skin-tight yellow command shirt accentuating her complete lack of cleavage and the pickax curve of her shoulders. Vriska is in the corner ( _damn her)_ , clad in chief medical officer blue. You try and force all of your resentment into the glare you send her way. She gives you a thumbs up and the biggest shit-eating grin you've ever seen from behind the camera in retaliation.

                As of this moment you are the rider and your life is the tiger and you aren't so much afraid to dismount as you are _so unsure_ about how you even made it to this point, when you stopped liking big booty bitches and started liking women who looked like flat-chested imps made entirely of loose box cutter blades. The dimmed light makes seeing the room through your sunglasses nigh impossible, all you can see is the way the candlelight illuminates the slender curves of her teeth, the tapered talons of her fingers, the communicator replica attached to her belt. You try to wipe the sweat pouring down your forehead, only to be reminded of the ~~handcuffs~~ _Starfleet regulation industrial-strength multi-purpose restraining devices_ binding your wrists together. Vriska ( _damn her)_ taps her foot as she fiddles with the camera, stifling her laughter in a very discreet and not at all irritating manner.

                "This isn't going to work if you can't stay in character! It is _imperative_ that you do not interject my Captain's Log- it is simply something a good first officer would not do!"

                "Yeah Dave, get with the program! This video isn't gonna work if you can't play the brooding Vulcan smoldering with wild, untamed, animal lust for his human companion- blood burning for the feel of a wet heat around your throbbing, aching coc-. "

                "Wow holy shit Vriska, why don't you go die in a fire and no I will not have sex with Terezi in front of you and no you _can't record it why are you even here._ "  The very act of being irritated takes up all the energy you have left after sitting in a room with a climate comparable to fucking Death Valley for at least an hour (when you asked Terezi about it she only replied "4UTH3NT1C1TY" and refused to say another word). You begin to struggle against the Starfleet regulation blah blah bullshit sex handcuffs, you are fucking fed up with this _heat_ and this _Vriska_ and this _totally not arousing mental image of Terezi as James T. Fucking Kirk_. Terezi gives you the _pyralspite glare-_ your first instinct is to cease all sound and movement and look around for that fucking cassowary. Satisfied with your current silence, Terezi  continues.

"As I was _saying_ -"

                "Captain's Log, Stardate 3372.7. Commander Spock here has... _lost control of_ his usual calm _and_ collected exterior to _reveal_ his baser instincts. We've landed _on his_ home planet of Vulcan to _hope_ fully to find a _cure for_ his most unusual state but he is _proving most_ difficult to handle _so_ we've _had_ to _restrain_ him. Chief _Medical_ Officer McCoy is _accompanying_ me to monitor the Commander and _make sure he_ does not get any worse. I will _now att_ empt to communicate _with the comman_ der and find the _cause of his dis_ tress."

                "Bones, if you could come here with the tricorder and give Mr. Spock and give him a... thorough examination."

                Vriska saunters over from the camera- you see she has pressed the record button- and replies in a voice that sounds like she gargled cigarrette butts and vodka on a daily basis- but oh wait, thats exactly what Vriska does.

                "Dammit Jim, Mr. Spock's hormones are going haywire! It's not safe to stay around him, he could turn into a _raging sex beast at any moment!_ The only way to satisfy him would be to ride his dick like a Cardassian Rodeo- but there's no way a human would be able to take a Vulcan cock, you'll might die, Jim!" wow _fuck Vriska_.

                "If it's the only way to save him, Bones, I will have _no choice but to take his thick swollen cock_ and calm his raging _sexual appetite-"_

                What is your life.

                "Guys I'm not even hard- this is _not sexy at all._ Terezi if we're going to fuck can we please not do it with Vriska around, it's bad enough you have a damn dinosaur in our house that likes to watch- also can we not do it in Star Trek roleplay because with the amount of _nerd_ in this I feel like I'm having sex with John by proxy."

                Terezi stops and bares her teeth and _what the fuck is she hissing-_ you have dealt with many things but Terezi seems legitimately angry you are not indulging in her wickedly unsexy Star Trek fantasy and you wouldn't put it past her to do something crazy like bite your dick off or evicerate you or make you listen to the juicy gossip she got from Breadquandra (ohmahgaw). She stomps towards you and drops so she is face-to-face with you and all you can see is the scorched vermillion of her sightless eyes.

                Then she aggressively grabs your dick with her hand and _suddenly you are so interested in what is about to go down._ Terezi slides your shirt higher with her other hand, smooth against the sweat-slicked surface of your skin;  her nails make the slightest indents, catching slightly on the scars and scabs from your previous sexual encounters as she drags them further up your back.  Suddenly the air you breathe is thick, the atmosphere of the room weighs you down as Terezi presses against you. She hooks her teeth through the bridge of your sunglasses and drags them away slowly from your face. You feel exponentially more vulnerable than you did without pants. Terezi drags her toungue up the side of your face, despite her obvious displeasure over your unwillingness she's pulled her lips back to show her crocodile smirk. Her lips press lightly against the pulse of your throat and your eyes slide closed, your muscles slacken, and a soft sigh escapes your lips- and then Terezi sends her velociraptor claws right through the flesh on your back.

 _"The first officer is not in his right mind but I will take it upon myself to calm his uncontrollable, in-character sex rage as he will play along with the situation at hand lest he find himself restrained and frustrated at the mercy of the CMO."_ She declares over your pained moan.

You are no longer not aroused.


End file.
